Room for Two

In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife helps Jack and Diane explore and better understand their sexual dynamic. They discuss Diane’s initial excitement about sex, how their honeymoon’s brief difficulties fractured her perception of her sexual self, and how her initial self criticism has continued to impact their sexual dynamic. Dr. Finlayson-Fife helps Diane see that despite her recent growth, her continued focus on pleasing Jack is standing in the way of her actually loving him. Dr. Finlayson-Fife teaches that the key to moving forward is for Diane to decide who she wants to be in her life and marriage, independent of the expectations of others.

TJ and Ashley’s story is a familiar one for many. Their marriage started out happily enough. They were young college students and enjoyed each other a lot during their first few years together. But things changed when TJ started graduate school during an economic downturn. TJ felt a tremendous amount of anxiety about his financial future, given the dim prospects for most students at the time. Competition was fierce and in TJ’s determination to ensure his family’s economic stability, he dedicated himself to his studies, leaving little time or emotional bandwidth for anything else, including Ashley.

Zack and Kelly’s marriage has been a relatively untroubled one. That is until last year, when Zack disclosed to Kelly that he had been viewing pornography off and on since childhood. Kelly’s distress from the disclosure came not so much because Zack had been viewing porn, but because he had managed to keep this from her despite her having asked him explicitly about it over the years. Learning that he was capable of deceiving her in this way was completely and understandably disorganizing for Kelly.

In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife works with Andy and April to see how they each contributed to the marital dysfunction and, in particular, how Andy's dysfunction was expressed in deception and betrayal. She works with the couple to help them see what they can do to move forward, as well as bring more honesty and equality to their relationship.

Morgan knows sexual desire, but she has deliberately repressed those feelings for so long that she is struggling to get them back. When she was younger, Morgan had a healthy curiosity about sex but felt she had crossed a line by reading romantic literature. In an effort to restore a sense of worthiness, she changed course and tried to never look back. While Morgan now tries to be sexual with Harry, her heart just isn’t in it. She finds it more intuitive to accommodate Harry than to find and express her own eroticism after so many years of trying to snuff it out. In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife explores how Morgan’s anxiety, perfectionism, and external moral reference have limited her capacity for intimacy, and what she can do to develop a healthier relationship to her sexuality as well as a more fulfilling intimate relationship with Harry.

Rick and Sarah are really good at hiding. Rick hides behind his nice guy persona—he has learned through experience that if he keeps Sarah comfortable enough, he will maximize the chances of getting sex. So, he skirts around the truth and keeps his honest thoughts to himself in an attempt to keep the boat from rocking. Sarah has fully bought into this dynamic and pushes for Rick’s accommodation. She knows the part to play, plays it well, and takes refuge in fading into the background and letting Rick take care of her. While this one-up/one-down dynamic has created an amicable enough marriage, it hasn’t created much passion or intimacy. In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife meets again with Rick and Sarah to discuss how they can create a more equal and strong partnership by both bringing more courage and honesty to their relationship.

Phil and Claire still have a lot to untangle from their past and the views they each inherited about sexuality from their family and culture. In this follow-up interview, Claire and Phil are wondering how they can bring more real passion into their intimate relationship. Listen in as Dr. Finlayson-Fife works with Phil and Claire to explore what they can do to bring their newfound honesty and authenticity to their physical relationship.

Adam and Sarah have a communication problem. While they feel that they don't communicate well, the reality is that their communication is crystal clear, they just don't like what is being communicated. Both Adam and Sarah entered the marriage with rigid ideas of what their relationship would look like, and when those expectations went unfulfilled, the resentment they felt for each other began to grow. In this episode, listen in as Dr. Finlayson-Fife works with Adam and Sarah to help them learn to become less dependant on each other while creating a relationship with more compassion and deeper honesty in the process.

Tiffany has never been able to orgasm and is having difficulty trusting her husband. Riley has been sexually compulsive from adolescence and induces anxiety in his wife through his untrustworthy sexual behavior. Listen as Dr. Finlayson-Fife helps Riley confront the fact that he is using his behavior to keep control of his wife’s validation, and how his framing of porn addiction misses the mark and interferes with him truly changing his behavior. To subscribe go to the Room for Two Webpage!

In this episode, Jennifer helps Rick and Sarah see the unhealthy dynamic that has developed in their marriage and why this approval seeking is detrimental to passion. Jennifer guides Rick and Sarah to a new way of thinking, a mindset which will allow them to create a marriage where there is room for real choice and deeper intimacy.

A taste of Dr. Finlayson-Fife's new podcast Room for Two! Jane is a people pleaser. She has spent her life pursuing validation by doing all the things she knows she "should''. Up until now, her choices have been driven by seeking others’ approval, but she is ready for a change. Jane is wrestling with herself to find the courage to exert her desires and individuality into her relationship and into the world. Doing so has put pressure on Jane and John's marriage to evolve into something less traditional, transactional and guarded to a marriage more honest, open, and grounded in reality.