Desire

This is the transcript of Dr. Finalsyon-Fife's interview with the Stoic Dad podcast. During the episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife discusses the difference between higher and lower desires, the important distinction between wants and desires, productive and unproductive suffering, as well as mature masculinity, and the dynamics of attraction.

We are, from birth, sensual creatures, but a lot of us feel like that’s a design flaw - like something’s wrong, as opposed to that being what it is to be human. How much can we really embrace that core sensuality, and how much do we shame it and try to get away from it?

What is the normal amount of times to have sex per week? What does it mean if I want to have sex 4x per week and my wife wants to have it once? According to some research reported by the Kinsey Institute, 13 percent of married couples reported having sex a few times per year, 45 percent reported a few times per month, 34 percent reported 2-3 times per week, and 7 percent reported four or more times per week. (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, Michaels, 1994). That said, what matters in determining what is the right amount of sex to be having is entirely dependent upon what you desire and what ...

I have been in a sex-less marriage for 20 years. We had sex a little bit during the first year of marriage, but after the birth of our daughter, she became uninterested. I love my wife, but the kids are beginning to leave home and it's painful for me to think about the lack of intimacy that exists between us. We get along well, it is friendly and compatible, but there is no passion between us. She finds sex uncomfortable and awkward, probably even aversive. I have been reluctant to put pressure on her over the years, but I'm not sure what to do. I'm not willing to break my marriage vows or lea...